If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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