Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
you would pick up someone in the library
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
