people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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