Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
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