dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Randomize
