I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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