Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
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I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
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I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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