so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
