i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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