my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
well you can't waste a boner
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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