you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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