There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
