think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
