So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
