Having a random hookup so left but love u
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
