He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
