i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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