Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
