I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
