Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize