My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
