shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
