Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
