just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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