Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
This is my gift to your gina
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
