At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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