I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
