I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
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Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
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doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE