yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
