Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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