I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME