cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
