Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I could fuck to npr.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
