How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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