I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Randomize
