she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
