no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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