my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Randomize
