I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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