You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
