I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals