What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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