it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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