I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
