im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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