I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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