Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
