Yo dont text me then not text me
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
