Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
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