I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
