the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
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