If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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