remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize