Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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