who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
