I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize