My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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