you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
