So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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