i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
