I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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