Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
