Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Randomize
